Chapter 12 provides several examples of how teachers can effectively shape relationships with their students, particularly those who seem to have repeated behavioral problems. The chapter explains eight different viewpoints from respected authorities.
Dave Hingsburger points out that teachers have enormous power over their students and that wielding that power appropriately can produce great results. He urges teachers to understand that many times the students that misbehave have a different perspective on life, and in order to communicate and teach effectively the teacher must learn to accept students as they are, and to move forward from there. While viewpoints might differ, teacher and student can still share emotions, thoughts and ideas with each other in a respectful way.
Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, writes that a teacher must first understand the viewpoint of their students in order communicate with them effectively. The teacher must appreciate that the student’s frame of reference is from that of a child, not of an adult. He writes “seek first to understand, then to be understood”.
Haim Ginott believes teachers must use what he calls “congruent language” in order to confer dignity upon the student. He says “…I am the decisive element in the classroom. It is my personal approach that creates the climate…In all situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated”. He also reminds teachers to always be sure to teach in the present tense, moving forward while leaving previous interactions and situations behind. Ginott also discouraged punishment as a deterrent of misbehavior.
Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott looked at teacher behavior as the main force for either nurturing or inhibiting
relationships in the classroom. They identified five pairs of behaviors and gave positive and negative aspects to each, called builders and barriers. First, teachers should talk with students about expectations for the class instead of assuming the expectations. Second, teachers should allow students to explore a situation in order to make a decision instead of being told the “right” way to do it. Third, teachers need to encourage cooperation and self-guidance and should not dictate and direct every aspect of the classroom. Fourth, teachers should celebrate students’ successes and encourage them to achieve instead of judging negatively for failure. Fifth, and last, teachers and students need to work in a mutually respectful atmosphere, and teachers need to avoid being “parental” in their tone and instruction.
William Glasser believes that students that misbehave are probably unhappy in the classroom and with the type of instruction they receive. He stresses positive influence over negative feedback, urging teachers to be caring, listening, encouraging and trustworthy. He believes that all students are capable of competent work, and that it is the responsibility of the teacher to ensure a strong connection to the student.
Tom Daly recommends teachers look at themselves and consider adopting a different style or approach in order to stop misbehavior. He believes that teachers should take the time to develop personal relationships with the most difficult students, and to put an end to habits that are controlling. He contends that when a student likes his teacher he is much more likely to respect him as an authority figure.
Richard Curwin and Allen and Brian Mendler all worked together on several books that focus on behaviorally at risk students. Their theory is that a student who misbehaves likely feels his dignity is being challenged, and therefore reacts negatively. Teachers must instill in these students a feeling of hope for the future and interact with them in a way that promotes dignity and self-respect. Teachers should also ensure the material and its presentation are attractive and exciting in order to promote success.
Ed Ford uses what he calls the Responsible Thinking Process in which students learn to conduct themselves effectively and responsibly. The RTP helps students to “understand what they want for themselves and in life and learn how to develop plans for getting what they want, while not infringing on the rights of others”. The intent is for students to develop a sense of responsibility for their own life, and to teach them to recognize that their behaviors affect those around them, either positively or negatively. Ford believes that students who misbehave will continue to do so until this change takes place, and that punishments and rewards can only produce short term results, not permanent change.
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